Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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