Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We were destined to go to rehab together
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
