I am puke
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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