He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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