we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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