You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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