tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
