Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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