New invention idea: vibrating tampons
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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