There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
