and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
