Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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