chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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