The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
