Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
