i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
