Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
