I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
