Where is the hickey?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
