spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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