so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
