I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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