you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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