Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
