she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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