so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
