Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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