I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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