My friends, they love my intelligence
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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