Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
