it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
