I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
