Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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