oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
