I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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