okay pat passed out under dana's car
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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