It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
