Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
