The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
