My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
