Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
