they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
