he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
