I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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