You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
