You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
