Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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