The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize