I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
