hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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