so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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