we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
