I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
