found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
