my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
