I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
