You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
