Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
