i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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