I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
there is glitter all over my balls
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
