terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
