i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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