Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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