I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did i walk over a car last night?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
