alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
