Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
