just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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