I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
