He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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