I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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