Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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