Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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