i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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