No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
