I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
