so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
