haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
