I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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