I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
