We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize