Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
