I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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