I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
