Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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