You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
