His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
